The writing tonight won’t be well done or through or anything. I just got home and I need sleep as I’m to wake up and go to the Skins game tomorrow.

However, tonight was a friend’s birthday party in a shitty Clerendon frat-dance-bar. I stood awkwardly with them in the corner while people danced all around. The girl who’s birthday it was happens to be a girl I mildly fancy, so I went with her to go smoke outside, which led to us to the bar to buy her a drink, which led to her talking me in to getting one beer.

I got one beer.

We go back downstairs to dance and such, and things get less awkward. I’m still far too awkward and shy to dance with anyone of the strangers around us, let alone the girl that I fancy a bit. When the next round comes around, I offer to buy everyone there a beer, and go upstairs to get them their whatever-th and me my second.

I have a second beer.

Lights come on, everyone clears out, I go home.

This is essentially the sort of drinking that I’m okay with me doing. The few beers in a social setting, but because I want them. And, I didn’t want any more or anything like that, which was a fear that I might when I finally broke down and drank. But, tonight bothers me as I drank because a social setting made me so uncomfortable that I felt alcohol was what I needed to make me social and such. I don’t like that.

I’ll have more when I’m not in a rush to sleep. And when I’ve thought about everything more. I’m not completely disappointed in myself, but I’m not pleased.